Rants, Gripes and Thoughts

-Antonin Scalia is BY FAR my favorite justice. I like him for the same reason I like Don Rumsfeld: they both are no-nonsense and don't take crap from anyone. Plus, Scalia just looks cool.
-When will the Red Sox start losing?! This has to stop now.
-Yankees fans need to stop booing A-Rod. What the hell are they trying to do?
-Larry Bird better be right about this new draft pick.
-How do the French get to be in such a bad group in the 1st round of World Cup play, and the U.S. has to be put in the hardest? It's because the whole world hates the idea of the U.S. succeeding. To be honest, our great president has also helped in increasing animosity towards us around the world.
-How the hell is the second son from the Brady Bunch engaged to such a hot young model?
-Speaking of the Brady Bunch, here are the top 5 WORST television shows of all time:
1) The O.C.
2) The Brady Bunch
3) The Partridge Family (well, besides Danny Bonaduce. He's great)
4) American Idol
5) The Real World
-Did the Brady dad, Robert Reed, die? I believe he was gay and died from AIDS, but I'm not 100% sure. Maybe that was the 1st Darrin from Bewitched (Dick York)

More horses need to be made into glue

I was going to have dinner in downtown Indy last night, and I was held up TWICE by a horse-drawn carriage. Now I love the way downtown Indianapolis has improved these past few years. It's wonderful being down there. If only they would get rid of the horse carriages.

Seriously, what the hell are you going to see taking a carriage ride in Indianapolis? The World's Largest Christmas Tree (which isn't even a real tree. I really don't understand how you can call a monument with lights a tree)? St.Elmo? RCA Dome? I can understand taking a carriage ride in NYC Central Park. I've done that, and it's enjoyable. Or maybe down the Champs-Elysees or the English countryside. But downtown Indianapolis? I don't think so.

I'm a patient person. Nonetheless, I refuse to miss three straight traffic lights just because a damn horse can't move fast enough. They either need to give the carriage drivers whips and spurs to give the horse more giddy-up, or, better yet, just get horses off the streets and on the fast lane to the Fast-Tac glue assembly line. This isn't Mongolia. We're not nomads here. Cars are how we get around nowadays. I think that public recognition (like a key to the city or something) should accompany anyone who "accidentaly" runs over a horse downtown.

I don't like horses. I get sick of people saying how beautiful they are. The only way I would find them to be beautiful is if they were filling up an Elmer's Glue bottle, or on a platter with some vegetables or something and helping to feed starving children. I've never eaten a horse, but I can't imagine it'd be much worse than beef or veal. Man, Barbaro's damn lucky I don't own him.

American Arrogance

Although I was certainly pulling for the U.S. team to win yesterday and make the next round of the World Cup, I also realized that their loss could be very productive. Ever since President Bush took office, arrogance has been swirling all over the country. We basically went it alone in Iraq, and we really haven't shown any desire to collaborate with or even welcome other of our allied nations and their opinions, unless of course, we have something substantial to gain from it (like at the present moment, Bush is trying to get support for the Iraq War as he finally realizes that at the present moment, the outlook doesn't look good).

We think we're the best, that we're more important than other nations because we're the most influential, and thus that entitles us to do whatever the hell we want. We think we're invinsible, we can't be beat (a la Bush's famous "Bring It On" slogan). Well, yesterday Ghana certainly brought it, and our team didn't respond. True, this is soccer, a sport that's not popular, but we still should have been able to get a win against a tiny African nation. Stories like Ghana's are why I enjoy watching the World Cup because I love seeing little, impoverished African countries with not much else to look forward to rally behind their team and knock off the world's most powerful nations.

Recent U.S. performances in basketball and baseball international competition have been pathetic as well. We got beat by Puerto Rico in the Olympics, an island so small I couldn't fit both feet on it. And like it or not, we're basically getting beat by the Iraqi insurgency right now (especially after we're were told that we could expect a quick and relatively easy victory).

I love my country. I do think it's the greatest nation on the face of the earth, and most of us agree. But when proud patriotism turns into arrogant and ignorant extremist nationalism, problems arise. President Bill Clinton has said," There's nothing wrong with America that can't be fixed with what's right with America." I couldn't agree more. We need to teach our fellow citizens in this country that patriotism is a beautiful thing, but we can't let it overshadow the fact that as a member of the global community, we must adhere to the standards of everyone else. God doesn't just bless America, he blesses every single nation on earth, no matter how much we might disagree with how that other nation acts. So in closing, I'm glad we got beat by Ghana. Maybe now our arrogance in this country will mellow.

Ozzie Guillen was wrong, but Jay Mariotti is annoying as hell

A couple of days ago, Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen called Chicago Sun-Times sports columnist Jay Mariotti a f------ fag. Guillen has often had a problem of speaking before thinking about the consequences of his words.

In today's ridiculously politically correct world, and with smut-hungry journalists and newspapers looking for a story, Guillen's comments have understandably made front page news. I don't know Ozzie Guillen as a person, but as a manager, I like him (even though I'm not fond of the White Sox). That doesn't excuse him from publicly using the words he did. I think he should be given a 2-3 game suspension because he does need to learn that in this country, those kind of comments don't fly.

However, Jay Mariotti is a nasal dumbkrauft. I can't watch "Around the Horn" on ESPN anymore because I know that he'll most likely be on it. The guy probably couldn't play sports as a kid, and now he's become a sportswriter so he can get his revenge on all the guys who were more athletic than he was. He never has anything positive to say about anyone. It's always about how stupid such and such player is, or how bone-headed of a decision some manager made. Jay, we can all be Monday Morning quarterbacks, but the majority of us don't choose to be, because it annoys the hell out of people.

I'm not saying Mariotti can't be critical, but he needs to mix in some at least neutral stories and opinions. I wish they'd just get rid of all the regulars on "Around the Horn" besides Woody Paige, and revamp it with GOOD sportswriters such as my personal favorite Frank Deford, and guys like Mike Luprica and Mitch Albom. To not seem sexist, I'd enjoy seeing Christine Brennan on the show as well. She's also a wonderful and talented columnist.

I wish Mariotti would just shut-up. Guillen's mouth needs to be watched at times, but I can see why he'd be annoyed with nasal Mariotti. Calling him a fag was completely unacceptable, however.

LET'S IMPEACH NEIL YOUNG!

Many people around the world love the music of Neil Young, the old grungy Canadian rocker. I don't.

Neil Young's latest album is full of newly written protest songs, mainly directed at President Bush and the U.S. Government. Now I don't have any problem whatsoever with protest songs. Bob Marley is one of my favorite artist. And while I don't like Bob Dylan's voice that much, his lyrics are more profound than any other artist. The Clash, next to the Who, are my favorite band and Joe Strummer made protest songs cool.

But Neil Young is different. Neil Young is Canadian. And he's singing songs directed at President Bush and the U.S. government. Now true, Bob Marley was Jamaican, and the Clash were English, but their songs were either directed at their own governments or to the world in general. Clash songs like "Guns of Brixton" and "London Calling" dealt with domestic issues in London and its urban area. Bob Marley sang about his Jamaican ghetto home Trench Town, and was greatly involved with the presidential election in the late 70's between Edward P. Seaga and Michael Manley (he was even shot for his involvement.)

Yes, Neil Young has children who are American citizens. But he's not. And until he decides to become one, I don't want to listen to any American protest song he writes. I do not agree with the majority of what Bush and our current government is doing. But Canada has its own problems as well. So Young first needs to sing about how his bacon got burnt, or how the NHL was on strike, or on the uber-high living prices in Vancouver before he should attempt to talk about impeaching my president.

Neil Young was also voted the #2 best living songwriter by Paste Magazine, after Bob Dylan. What a load of b.s. How can you put Paul McCartney, or Pete Townshend BEHIND grungy, dirty Neil Young. BOY GEORGE should be in front of Neil Young. Hell, MILLI VANILLI should be placed in front of Neil Young. "Let's Impeach the President"? How bout, "Let's Impeach Neil Young". What a disgusting Canuck he is.

U.S. vs. Italy: The American team regains my respect, and I realize why Italy lost WWII.

The U.S.-Italy match this past Saturday was one to remember. A nine-man U.S. squad was able to hold off a 10-man Italian squad, which was one of the best in the world. After losing Mastroeni and Pope to red cards (the referee was high on cocaine and had no idea what he was doing) the U.S. was still able to rally and show true grit, preserving a tie and keeping their hopes alive for the next round.

The refs sucked. There's no other way to put it. It was funny though watching Bruce Arena's expressions on the sideline after ridiculous calls had been made. If I could draw, I would write a comic book and use him and his expressions for my main character.

One more thing: THE ITALIANS ARE WUSSES! I expected to see some Mussolini-esque chest-bumping, grunts, and macho swagger from the former Axis Fascists. Instead, they would whine on the ground after every foul, looking as if they were in labor and about to undergo a cesarean section. I don't know how many times an Italian player was carried out on a strecher only to walk by himself and come back in the game seconds later. I guess this is why they lost to the Ethiopians in WWII. And almost all the Italian players had long, feminine hair. My mom has more than enough lipstick, and I'm sure she could lend them a few for their next game if they really wanna get gussied up. Just let me know Coach Lippi. I'd give you my phone number, but this is a public blog, and after watching Dateline NBC's programs on internet molestors and pedophiles, there's no way I'm posting it. Thank God those freaks were able to be put to justice. ("Freaks" here refers to both the internet pedophiles and the Italians in WWII)

I suggest the Italians get Donatella Versace to desing their uniforms from now on. I think then they'd feel more free and comfortable, as I feel that right now their feminine nature is being forcibly suppressed by the uber-macho FIFA and Italian Futbol Federation.

Go Away!

I'm not feeling at all creative today, so I'm just going to make the following list: Enjoy!

PEOPLE I WISH WOULD JUST FALL OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH AND LEAVE US ALL ALONE:
-Ann Coulter (only one word to describe her. it starts with a b and ends with an -itch.)
-Ted Kennedy (he's writing a children's book. Only Adolf Hiter would be less qualified to write a book for children).
-John McCain (political maverick my ass! He's just positioning himself for his 2008 presidential campaign)
-Bill Frist (I've lost all respect I once had for this once-noble and principled doctor)
-Bud Selig (You've ruined baseball enough Bud. How dare yous suspend Randy Johson for 5 games?! Just retire already)
-Hugo Chavez (He's no revolutionary. He's just a greedy Latin pig who uses our country to gain power and influence.)
-Harry Belafonte (Yes our gov't has problems....MAJOR problems. But comparing its Homeland Security Dept to the German Gestapo, who routinely exectued Jews in Nazi Germany, is immature and careless.
-Bill O'Reilly (I'd rather listen to Rush Limbaugh than have to hear this disgusting creature spew racist and bigoted propaganda)
-Al Franken (Dude, just shut up already. Stick to comedy)
-Bob Kravitz (one of the only sportswriters I absolutely can't stand to read. He's just arrogant, holier-than-thou, and cynical, which can be funny at times, but gets old after the first COUPLE HUNDRED columns.)
-The Boston Red Sox (because they are Satan's team)
-Rev.Fred Phelps (how does someone like this get ordained by a Christian church?)
-Hilary Clinton (merely for the fact that if she becomes president, dresses will be prohibited and all women will have to wear pantsuits, which for the most part, are FAR less attractive.)
-Ben Roethlisberger (I wish he couldn't play football anymore so that he'd have more time to reflect and be thankful for being alive. Football should seem so insignificant to him now.)
-The U.S. soccer team (now if the beat the Italians, they'll be off this list)
-Donald Trump

U.S. Soccer Team Proves Worth to World

Well, what a great showing the U.S. soccer team put on yesterday at the World Cup! Seriously though, how the hell were we ranked #5 in the world? What have we ever won of importance in soccer? We got completely pummeled by the Czechs and it looks like we'll probably get creamed by the Italians as well. At least we've beat both of them in wars. That's all that really matters in the end, isn't it?

Billy Preston

Today's post is simply to pay homage and remember the gifts of Billy Preston, who died yesterday.

RIP BILLY "The Fifth Beatle"