Champagne Socialist

Thursday, June 29, 2006

More horses need to be made into glue

I was going to have dinner in downtown Indy last night, and I was held up TWICE by a horse-drawn carriage. Now I love the way downtown Indianapolis has improved these past few years. It's wonderful being down there. If only they would get rid of the horse carriages.

Seriously, what the hell are you going to see taking a carriage ride in Indianapolis? The World's Largest Christmas Tree (which isn't even a real tree. I really don't understand how you can call a monument with lights a tree)? St.Elmo? RCA Dome? I can understand taking a carriage ride in NYC Central Park. I've done that, and it's enjoyable. Or maybe down the Champs-Elysees or the English countryside. But downtown Indianapolis? I don't think so.

I'm a patient person. Nonetheless, I refuse to miss three straight traffic lights just because a damn horse can't move fast enough. They either need to give the carriage drivers whips and spurs to give the horse more giddy-up, or, better yet, just get horses off the streets and on the fast lane to the Fast-Tac glue assembly line. This isn't Mongolia. We're not nomads here. Cars are how we get around nowadays. I think that public recognition (like a key to the city or something) should accompany anyone who "accidentaly" runs over a horse downtown.

I don't like horses. I get sick of people saying how beautiful they are. The only way I would find them to be beautiful is if they were filling up an Elmer's Glue bottle, or on a platter with some vegetables or something and helping to feed starving children. I've never eaten a horse, but I can't imagine it'd be much worse than beef or veal. Man, Barbaro's damn lucky I don't own him.


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