Champagne Socialist

Monday, June 19, 2006

U.S. vs. Italy: The American team regains my respect, and I realize why Italy lost WWII.

The U.S.-Italy match this past Saturday was one to remember. A nine-man U.S. squad was able to hold off a 10-man Italian squad, which was one of the best in the world. After losing Mastroeni and Pope to red cards (the referee was high on cocaine and had no idea what he was doing) the U.S. was still able to rally and show true grit, preserving a tie and keeping their hopes alive for the next round.

The refs sucked. There's no other way to put it. It was funny though watching Bruce Arena's expressions on the sideline after ridiculous calls had been made. If I could draw, I would write a comic book and use him and his expressions for my main character.

One more thing: THE ITALIANS ARE WUSSES! I expected to see some Mussolini-esque chest-bumping, grunts, and macho swagger from the former Axis Fascists. Instead, they would whine on the ground after every foul, looking as if they were in labor and about to undergo a cesarean section. I don't know how many times an Italian player was carried out on a strecher only to walk by himself and come back in the game seconds later. I guess this is why they lost to the Ethiopians in WWII. And almost all the Italian players had long, feminine hair. My mom has more than enough lipstick, and I'm sure she could lend them a few for their next game if they really wanna get gussied up. Just let me know Coach Lippi. I'd give you my phone number, but this is a public blog, and after watching Dateline NBC's programs on internet molestors and pedophiles, there's no way I'm posting it. Thank God those freaks were able to be put to justice. ("Freaks" here refers to both the internet pedophiles and the Italians in WWII)

I suggest the Italians get Donatella Versace to desing their uniforms from now on. I think then they'd feel more free and comfortable, as I feel that right now their feminine nature is being forcibly suppressed by the uber-macho FIFA and Italian Futbol Federation.


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