Champagne Socialist

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Gays make the most addictive music

I have long held firm to my belief that homosexuals make the most addictive music. Regardless of your views on homosexuality, you'd have to make me a strong case to convince me that gay people don't have an innane talent to make catchy, addictive music. Consider some of the following examples (which are just a few of many)
-Wham! (The 80's duo of George Michael and that other guy Andrew Ridgley: "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" is perhaps the most addictive song ever! The music video is great, with George wearing multi-colored spandex shorts, gloves, and a shirt that says "Choose life" (who knew George was an anti-abortion activist?)
-Boy George and the Culture Club: If it wasn't for George's unfortunate dabbling in heroin and cocaine among other things, this group might very well be putting out hits still today. "Karma Chameleon" and it's subtle, discrete innuendo along with the amazing music made them a household name. The notorious trumpet intro in "I'll Tumble 4 Ya" is one of the most recognizable intros of any song, and the mellow, melancholic introspection that are "Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?" make me cry every time I hear it. (well, not really, but at least the song's catchy).
-Queen: I'm sorry, but I just can't agree with music critics who rate this band as one of the all-time greats. I just can't take a band starring a yellow jumpsuited Freddy Mercury seriously. That being said, they made a few catchy tunes. "Radio Ga-ga" is great, and everyone recognizes the famous bass line from John Deacon's "Another One Bites The Dust". There's also the anthemic "We Will Rock You". Yet, I must add that "We Are The Champions" is perhaps the most annoying song I've ever heard, and I wouldn't be disheartened at all if I never had the priviledge of hearing it ever again. Queen wasn't a serious, influential band. They were just a great gay band.
-Petshop Boys: One of my favorites. "West-End Girls" and "Opportunities" are surprisingly deep in their lyrics. Of course, the tunes are catchy as well.
-Devo: I'm not sure if they're gay, but I really hope they are, because that's the only excuse I can find for their questionable attire and queer-like music videos. Everyone knows "Whip It" from the first note.
-Gary Glitter: Not only is he gay, but a pedophile as well. Thank God he's in prison, where ALL pedophiles belong. That being said, his "Rock and Roll Pt.2" is the anthem at all sports stadiums everywhere.
-Soft Cell: "Tainted Love" was revolutionary in the emergence of the 80's synth-pop sound. You can tell by their voices that they're flaming gay. And British.
-Kraftwerk: One of the most underrated bands of all time. Their influence on future bands can't be ignored. I count them as gay merely because of their album photo for the cover of "Man Machine" where all the members are wearing red lipstick and slicked back, feminine hair. "Neon Lights" is my favorite of theirs, with "The Robots" coming in at a close second, followed by "Trans-Europe Express".
-A Flock of Seagulls: How can they NOT be gay? "I Ran (So Far Away)" is one of the songs I used to pump myself up after a hard day or when I'm feeling down. (not really). But it's gay, and it's addictive, so it's on this list.
-Frankie Goes To Hollywood: Their video for "Relax" was banned in the U.S. and for good reason. It's disgusting, and would make Sodom and Gomorrah look like Salt Lake City. But the song's got a great beat and gets everyone dancing. Just don't try and listen to the lyrics. They'll disgust you (unless you're a promiscuous, club-hopping homosexual, then I'm sure you'll enjoy it).
-Rip Taylor: Not a singer, a comedian. But he sings a song on the intro to his webpage, so he makes the list.
-Europop in general: If I was an acid-popping, cocaine-snorting, leather pant-wearing man, I would be in Europe right now club-hopping with the rest of the boys to all the great addictive Europop hits. But since I'm not, I just settle for listening to them in my room. It's good enough, and it's less likely I'll die from AIDS, a drug overdose, etc.

Thanks for reading. Until next time.


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